Victim or Victor: Which one are you?

Life is so unfair. How can I be going through all these? Why am I suffering? What have I done wrong to go through these? The people do not love me, no one is on my side, they do not understand me. I do not deserve to be going through this. I have not done anything wrong to be treated like this, how can they do this to me? Life is just so unfair.

Most of us like lamenting about our life situations we complain a lot and love to play victim of every circumstance. We thrive off this very victim hood to seek attention and support or to be heard. We think we are so innocent and we should not be going through most of the challenges we face and that there is probably a mistake somewhere or it’s the faults in our stars or the people are just unfair: especially when we have done good things and then get ill-treated, we think oh no this cannot be happening at least not to me, how can this be. What we are essentially saying is that there are people who deserve to go through what you are going through but just not you.

Playing victim was and is never a solution to any problem not in the past life and certainly not in this life and for sure not in the life to come. Anybody who plays victim ends up suffering even more and end up in depression which most likely will lead to suicide but anyone who plays victor end up overcoming their challenges and have a better life.

Let’s take two examples we start with Job; this guy suddenly underwent some terrible staff most of which I don’t think any of us has ever gone through and he quickly started playing victim, grumbling that he is innocent, righteous and does not deserve to go through what he was going through until came this young man called Elihu and he made job realize that actually he was just playing victim.

Example number 2 is King David, this guy also underwent fair share of troubles and challenges in his early life including living like an exile yet not one given point did he play victim but in all situations he played victor and was able to overcome all his problems and was able to even write the psalms.

The point is very simple yet so difficult;

Victim mentality – blame game, excuses and denial

Victor mentality – ownership, accountability and responsibility

The choice is always in your hands. Don’t expect to come out strong and better if you have a victim mentality. A state where it’s always what the others have done against you or what the world has done against you but you don’t put your energy to grow up, own and lead yourself, be that what you are supposed to be and stop blaming, complaining and grumbling.

Every test in our life makes us bitter or better

Every problem comes to break us or make us

The choice is ours whether we become victims or victors

"Its a human tendency to blame others before reflecting on one self, but if you do, you will never find the real cause of the problem and there will be no real improvement"

                                                                                                         Daisaku Ikeda

When all Hope is Gone

Is there anything good left? Are there any good men or women anymore? will I ever make it? This stuff is too hard I don’t think I will ever manage to do it. Will I ever get married? Will I ever have children? Will things ever get better? Let’s just call it quits and we all go our way. There is no hope in whatever we are doing.

Life is hard today, life is tricky, the life we live in today has a lot of hopelessness. Things seem to go from bad to worse. So many problems and issues coming up, broken marriages and relationships, family disputes, insecurity, joblessness, lies, pretenders, fake churches, fake news, fake friends, fake goods and items, corrupted food, dangerous foods, corruption, immorality on the rise, and the list goes on.

What are we going to do? Will my life be any better? It is certain that I am going to be in the same place as the rest. It is how it is so we just live like the rest are living. Many people have lost hope in this life. Nothing has a meaning anymore and life does not make sense anymore. they do not realize they have a purpose to fulfill in this life. It’s another day another struggle, another challenge, another day to try and survive.

There is a light in the end of the tunnel. All is not lost, all is not bad, all cannot go wrong do you know why? because you who wants it to be better exists, you who wish for things to be good are still alive, you who believe that relationships can last a lifetime are being that good partner, you who believe that all is possible, can do something to make it possible, you who wish to have a good marriage that lasts, you are here to ensure that happens. You who is reading this right now I believe you are the hope you wish to see and experience.

All is not lost, when people like you still exist, all is not lost when we who believe in the creator exist. All is not lost if we who put our trust in God can do all things through Christ Jesus and nothing can be impossible if only we submit to Christ. Hope does not come from education, money, wealth or material resource but rather hope comes from the heart. Whatever you believe so it shall be. If you believe it is possible you will make it possible, if you believe there is nothing to be done so it shall remain.

H – holding

O – on

P – patiently

E - everyday

Hope is the belief of things to come, they only come if you work towards them. If you let go of your doubt and trust God who makes all things happen. The reason the world is hard, tough and worse is because of our own selfishness and evil. We do not submit to God and thus we expect things to go well, no they won’t.  Jesus is the light at the end of the tunnel, in fact, to live in hope you have to walk his way because He said He is the way and the truth.

“There is no hope where there is no truth, but where truth lies all hope is present.”

Do not loose hope, why should you? Many have passed through this life and made it, what is stopping you from being one of them? What is stopping you from living the life you were called to live? hopelessness is a state of mind you decide what it’s going to be hope or hopeless!!

What If?

Are you sure? Did he really do that? Am not sure it’s going to work, no they cannot be able to do that. Is that real? Is it true? You can? Can you do it? Can I trust you? Will you be able to? Can I do this? Am not qualified to do this, this is not my place, I cannot do it. Questions and statements often asked and said when we doubt someone or something.

Doubt is one of the most single lethal weapon unleashed against man. Do not get me wrong it is not bad to question or be sure about something if you are not. Doubt is simply lack of faith. When you do not believe in something known. It is the feeling when you actually fail to trust yourself, a promise, God, a person’s capability.  You just cannot put yourself to believe, that it is possible, or it can be done, or they can do it or you can do it. Doubt in actual sense is being double minded. Having two minds and not being able to decide.

Why is doubt that dangerous? Let’s first start by making one thing clear, the failure of mankind started with a doubt. The fact that Eve doubted herself about the trueness of the fruit of the tree of good and evil led her to eating the fruit. Now the enemy never changed the same weapon he used throughout mankind till Jesus and again he asked Jesus during the temptation “if you are the son of God…” doubt!!! Well we know Jesus did not doubt himself. But we find Thomas who did not believe Jesus about him resurrecting even after seeing him he still wanted to touch. Peter already walking on water did not have to doubt but he did and that led him to start sinking.

Like I said doubt is not believing that which is known, like peter already walking on water but doubts, Thomas seeing Jesus but still doubts, Eve knowing the fruit is not to be eaten but still doubts, you who can sing but thinks you cannot or will not do it well, you who think you can write, teach, play, dance, pass exams, read, love again, forgive, healed, overcome, and so on but you still think you cannot. Yet it is known that you are capable of doing it. You know but you still have a double mind. Let me warn you today doubt only leads to confusion which later leads to disobedience to God which later leads to destruction.

James 1:6-8 says “ But let him ask in faith without doubting. For the doubter is like the surging sea, driven and tossed by the wind.  That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. An indecisive man is unstable in all his ways.” Listen a double minded person should NOT expect to receive anything from God, as in if you doubt it is as good as useless to pray because He is not going to give you anything. That is how much doubt can cost you that even God will not listen to you. And we ask why we pray and pray and nothing happens, well know you know you are full of doubt and no faith, you are double minded, indecisive, you are a sea just being tossed around by your emotions, perceptions, ideologies and philosophies of this life.

If there is one thing you don’t want to do is doubt especially doubting God. So today listen do not harden your hearts, doubt is a weapon by the devil against man so that we can fail or go against God. Whenever you find yourself doubting just say like Jesus “get behind me satan.” And go back to the truth of the word of God.  Do not keep blessings away from you because you doubt. Do not fail to grow because you doubt. Do not fall into temptation because you doubt.

“Don’t doubt your faith, doubt your doubt because it is unreliable.”

“The more you doubt yourself, the more power you give doubt to control you.”

Let your faith roar so loud that you cannot hear what your doubt is telling you.

Identity Crisis - A Sad Reality

What do you think about yourself?
What do other people say about you?
Does other's opinions about you affect you?
What does God say about you?

It’s a crisis today understanding oneself, because of many philosophies, principles and set human laws that hinder one from understanding their Identity. In this journey of Identity, we shall walk together and learn the truth, that we had never learnt before.

I am Afraid

I cannot do that, am not able to. What if I fail? Am scared to even try, am not going in there what if it does not work out? Whaat!!! Am not getting married am scared of the problems that come with it. I can’t date again I don’t want to be hurt again. Am not playing again cannot afford to break my leg again. I am not sure I want to take that step, I don’t know what’s gonna happen in the end. One way or the other we are afraid of something and we live in a lot of fear.

Fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of being judged, fear of death, fear of losing, fear of not being hurt again, fear of being broke, fear of being rejected, fear of being lonely and so on. You are afraid and sometimes you actually don’t know what to do about it. Some of us have great phobias in fact, it leads them to stress and depression because of how much they fear something. This is a very true and sad reality we are living in.

F- false

E- evidence

A- appearing

R- real

What are we going to do? Why is fear so powerful in our lives? How come we fear overcoming fear? Is it that big of a challenge or a loud voice in our heads that tells us how to think or act to things or situations?

God himself says “Do not be afraid.” Not of man, death, unknown, pain, loneliness, suffering, name it. Do not be afraid. This has been said in the bible around 365 times. Amazingly that equals the number of days in a whole year. Meaning every morning you need to tell or remind yourself “do not fear.” Seams easy to just say it but as it is said, “whatever your mouth confesses so it shall be.” The more you speak and train your mind not to fear the more you overcome fear. It is not a physical thing it is a mental issue and thus if mentally you are not afraid then physically you will also not be afraid.

However, it is not just mental or physical, fear is brought about by lack of faith. Well faith comes by hearing the word of God (Hebrews 11). The word of God became flesh and dwelt among us. (John 1). Meaning the word is Jesus. The same bible says “perfect love casts out all fear.” Meaning if you have Jesus within you who is the perfect love then you shall not fear anything.

We fear because we do not know who we serve, who we are in Christ, and who Christ is. We are afraid because we choose not to believe in him and obey him and we want to depend on our strength which is so weak and will fail us in just a blink of an eye. The truth is this, we can train, think, plan, read, practice all we want on how to overcome fear but as long as we are not in Christ and Christ in us, we shall never overcome fear.

Why? because if perfect love casts out all fears, then it is not God who brings fear but rather the devil. It is one of his craftiness he uses against man. To think to himself or herself that he/she cannot do it. Fear in itself is not evil it’s just an emotion that can be used by the enemy to stop or prevent you from becoming what you are supposed to be.

"Do not be afraid, I am and will be with you till the end of days," says the Lord.

Do not let fear hold you back, or be a setback, free yourself from the slavery and chains of fear by living in Jesus all day every day 365 days just like he said 365 times do not fear.

Fear is temporary but regret is forever. Fear does not stop death, but stops life.Fear is a reaction, courage is a decision.Fear kills more dreams than failure ever will.Feel the fear and do it anyway.Life begins where fear ends. 

Fear is a Liar

Think before you Act

                                               

Feelings are just Feelings

Feelings are reactions to some stimuli we go through. It is a response to a certain action or deed done to one. Most often we think our feelings are constant and we have to react a certain way to a certain thing and if you do not then there is something wrong with you. Well certain emotions may appear to be automatic like when one dies we feel sad and some end up crying or mourning, or when we win a lottery we become joyful and happy, it is almost automatic.

However, did you know between the action of the stimulus and the response you gave there is a split second decision you make of how you are going to react??

Maybe not, you have never even thought about it or never even heard of it. But yes, there is a choice we make on how we respond to any stimuli. This might sound such a big lie but why do you think Jesus said “If anyone hits you on the cheek, offer the other also. And if anyone takes away your coat, don’t hold back your shirt either.”? Or “love your enemies…”? how can one achieve this?

This is because if I hit you, you have a decision to make, to either get angry or not, if you get angry you can choose to hit me back, abuse me or report me. If you choose not to get angry you can forgive me or even allow me to hit you on the other cheek and walk away. The choice is yours. If one becomes your enemy for whatever reason, you have a choice to hate them or love them. Jesus told us to always make the good choice, love, forgive and so on.

OK in other words, why do we always advice people to not react negatively but rather positively to a situation if there was no choice to make between the situation and the reaction?

The truth is that we are always making split second choices every single moment of our lives, and we hardly ever notice that we are doing it. There is nothing you do that you have not chosen to do even if you do not realize that you have chosen it. Every action in our body is controlled by the brain. So nothing goes or happens unaware. There is a decision to be made even when someone hurts you and that’s why counselors tell us to stay calm first, why? to enable you to think longer on how to react, what emotion or feeling to respond with.

Let us take the example of Moses, when the Israelite's in the wilderness were grumbling and complaining about their sufferings in the wilderness he got really angry and instead of speaking to the rock as God had commanded him, he hit the rock which later came and cost him his chance to enter Canaan, simply because he did not think before reacting. he bowed down to his emotions and acted upon them.

Whenever you are subjected to any stimuli, maybe a lie, heartbreak, abuse or whatever just know before you react, you have a choice to make, choose wisely.

"A moment of Patience in a moment of Anger saves you a thousand moments of Regrets"

Forgiveness: The only Option

I know the hurt is too much, difficult to bear it, can’t even imagine it happened to you or he/she did that to you. They did not even say sorry or they do not even know they hurt you and they are out there walking freely and enjoying themselves, but you are here, hurting, tears every day, crying yourself to sleep, hoping tomorrow will be a better day and the pain would be gone. Just to wake up and still feel the hard stone inside you heart till your throat chocking you up. It never went away, it never left, in fact it has now grown big and deep and makes it even harder to get rid of.

It does not have to be like this, you do not have to carry a stone in your heart. You do not have to feel that pain inside anymore. You should not be stopped from smiling every day and enjoying life because you are sad and feel hurt. You do not have to fight within yourself whether to quit or even kill yourself or just pack and go. You do not have to leave, you can stay and make it work. You don’t have to cry yourself to sleep. You don’t have to lose your heart.

Unforgiveness is killing us slowly. The deadliest weapon in a society is unforgiveness. When we choose not to forgive we have made a decision to carry the pain, sorrow, hurt, loss inside our hearts till the day we decide to forgive. That is us carrying a ticking time bomb inside of us. And you wonder why we are stressed and depressed and later commit suicide.

Forgiveness is a choice not an option, a command and not a suggestion. 

We have to forgive every day of our lives, forgiveness is not forgetting but it is letting go of the mistake, hurt, pain, etc. and choosing to replace it with joy, happiness, positivity.

Jesus Christ said unless you forgive each other, the Lord will not forgive you, so you must forgive. No matter what choose this day to forgive, choose this day how you want to live the rest of your life, either in joy or sorrow. Choose today Jesus.

When you forgive, you don't change the past but you change the future